Aug 26, 2013

The More Corps

What makes us want always more from our spouse? Why do we do that? I know a number of people in my circles with great spouses, myself included. From day one, these husbands and wives were beautiful people, a truly great catch by anybody’s standard. And yet, I observe that most all of us who married these wonderful people continue to want more from them.

They never had any great flaws to begin with. So, in the absence of bigger issues, we start harping on much smaller and less important ones. 

Maybe we do that because we have no sense of scale.  That is, there were never any big issues to give us a perspective on just how petty our demands really are. 

Nevertheless, after we have abraded away these small issues to bring these already great people closer to our specification for perfection, we pat ourselves on the back, rest a moment, And then, the process starts over. 

And now that the smaller issues are out of the way, we start on the truly itty bitty ones.  Thus we continue to demand that these, too, be addressed by a spouse who is probably already, far and away, our better.

And on and on the process goes through years of marriage. Until finally, having abandoned all sense of reason and scale, we find ourselves down on the microscopic level demanding that even these miniscule issues be addressed by these gracious people that we are supposedly cherishing.

And so the question is begged, “Will they ever be good enough?” Will these people, who started out twice the people we will ever be, ever be able to really satisfy our constantly escalating standards? Obviously not, unless we break this ridiculous “always more” cycle.

And, it's true.  In fact, there will certainly be some truly significant issues in a marriage which should be addressed. But, that is where the process should stop – at the truly significant issues. 
It should never be allowed to become an increasingly abrasive process. 

And isn’t it a bit arrogant, after all, to deed yourself an arbitrary right to entirely re-design the person you originally chose simply for who they already were. “Approving” and “Appreciative” are great words upon which to establish a really happy and fulfilling marriage. “More” is not, if it comes up too often.